As I watch the early night sky turn a brilliant spectrum of soft blues, pink, fuchsia and gold, I can see the hill of Oakland across the bay, window of homes tucked into the hills blinking and winking like tiny gils on a fish flashing in the sun. The air of course has turned its usual chilly self once the sun no longer kisses the surface around you, and as we all do, I wrap myself in a warm year round jacket, which never makes its way into a 'winter' closet. This particular one, I've rediscovered, a seaweed green fuzzy mangy thing by Mountain Hardware I bought from a blanket vendor on 16th street in the Mission past dark for $1, likely around 4 years ago.
4 years. 4 year. Wow, 4 years. Almost to the day, that's how long my traveling, vagabond soul has rested its happy, confused, passion seeking self, in amongst the indisputable vibrancy of San Francisco. I still have moments now, over 1,200 mornings later, where I wonder how long this will be, how long I will continue to rest and grow and live and learn and laugh and cry under this beautiful California sky. My oh my how my heart and fingers have longed to return to you. To you my orphaned journal.
I'm sorry for neglecting you, for wishing and wanting to write again for you, but have not, perhaps for fear of what would, or would not come out. When I first set foot here, and decided to "just stay" after a week-long conference in Monterey, I told myself, and told others who asked "how long are you going to stay? what's your plan?" I would say "as long as I'm having fun". Am I still having fun? Is it no longer just about me?
Between then and now, superficially much has changed, and I hope even more so, that much has not. It feels that I had lost my way for a bit, even here, in where was, is, or was, my passion core. And to many respects I do again wonder about what I should be doing. What is my passion? Am I living with passion now? What does passion look like? Is passion possible to maintain as a constant state, or does it ebb and flow like the oceans tides and birds in the air? In the midst of living a life of saying "yes" I've experienced so much more, all or none of which I would have predicted would be.
I've been inspired by many in the last 6 months, most of whom do not know they've made an impact to inspire, support, motivate me to revisit the art of written self expression. The art of expression through words and language and sentences which roll off the tongue, and those that don't. To soulful, thoughtful music during quiet times where one's mind can freely dive deep and glimpse what we hide, and feel safe to reveal what we see. Is that where true, raw passion lies? The perceptive layer of unknown or perhaps its really our true self which is waiting to be released. My gratitude is deep for all those in my life, and those I've never met who have led me back to you. With gratitude, the world is infinitely abundant. Thank you for being here. It feels good to back.
4 years. 4 year. Wow, 4 years. Almost to the day, that's how long my traveling, vagabond soul has rested its happy, confused, passion seeking self, in amongst the indisputable vibrancy of San Francisco. I still have moments now, over 1,200 mornings later, where I wonder how long this will be, how long I will continue to rest and grow and live and learn and laugh and cry under this beautiful California sky. My oh my how my heart and fingers have longed to return to you. To you my orphaned journal.
I'm sorry for neglecting you, for wishing and wanting to write again for you, but have not, perhaps for fear of what would, or would not come out. When I first set foot here, and decided to "just stay" after a week-long conference in Monterey, I told myself, and told others who asked "how long are you going to stay? what's your plan?" I would say "as long as I'm having fun". Am I still having fun? Is it no longer just about me?
Between then and now, superficially much has changed, and I hope even more so, that much has not. It feels that I had lost my way for a bit, even here, in where was, is, or was, my passion core. And to many respects I do again wonder about what I should be doing. What is my passion? Am I living with passion now? What does passion look like? Is passion possible to maintain as a constant state, or does it ebb and flow like the oceans tides and birds in the air? In the midst of living a life of saying "yes" I've experienced so much more, all or none of which I would have predicted would be.
I've been inspired by many in the last 6 months, most of whom do not know they've made an impact to inspire, support, motivate me to revisit the art of written self expression. The art of expression through words and language and sentences which roll off the tongue, and those that don't. To soulful, thoughtful music during quiet times where one's mind can freely dive deep and glimpse what we hide, and feel safe to reveal what we see. Is that where true, raw passion lies? The perceptive layer of unknown or perhaps its really our true self which is waiting to be released. My gratitude is deep for all those in my life, and those I've never met who have led me back to you. With gratitude, the world is infinitely abundant. Thank you for being here. It feels good to back.
